


Imperfection

by louise_lux



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-09
Updated: 2012-04-09
Packaged: 2017-11-03 09:04:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/379653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louise_lux/pseuds/louise_lux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'I thought you wanted to die during sex,' Hakkai said, his limbs loosening and becoming heavy, 'with a beauty on your lap.' His hands slipped a little, then scrabbled to get back to where they had been tucked against Gojyo's neck. </p>
<p>'This is better,' said Gojyo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Imperfection

They'd woken up a little while ago:

'Gojyo. I can't see anything. Say something.'

'Hnn. M'here,' he'd croaked. 'Who put the lights out?'

Their fingers groped and met in the dark, twining together painfully hard. Gojyo could tell that Hakkai was very close. 

'I'm hurt,' Hakkai said. 

His voice was low and gasping, with a terrible hint of wetness as though there was liquid in his throat. Gojyo's heart thumped sickeningly and even though he was sprawled flat on what felt like cold stone, his head span as if he were whirling round and round. Against the dark he saw Goku and Sanzo and the weird magic Ni Jienyi had flung at them. Hakkai running to defend them, Gojyo leaping to protect him. The thick iron door of the chamber they both now lay in, bleeding. 

Hakkai's voice again, closer. 'And you, Gojyo?'

'Yeah. Feels like I've got holes where I shouldn't have 'em. Are you-- how bad are you?' 

'Oh. Very,' said Hakkai and he sounded lost, as if not understanding that this was how it was going to end. Or understanding all too well yet refusing to accept it. 

They lay silent and unmoving for moments until Gojyo felt the tremors of Hakkai shivering. They transmitted themselves down Gojyo's arm and like a current they sparked something in the cold, damp air between them: a gap that demanded to be closed. Suddenly there was a frantic rearrangement of arms and legs and two bodies until they were pressed tight together, gasping and clinging on. Hakkai pressed his face into Gojyo's neck and panted like a trapped animal. 

It didn't matter that the floor was slimed with mould or that the darkness sent sparkling patterns swimming in front of his eyes or that the soft feet of vermin scuttled in the corners, waiting. Hakkai was here and they were both still breathing. Hakkai's heart pulsed against his own, speeding up. 

'Are we going to die?' Gojyo asked, as if he didn't already know. 

Hakkai's voice, hot and muffled against the skin just in front of his left ear lobe. Gojyo felt terror and Hakkai burrowed closer, speaking Gojyo's own thoughts.

'Yes. I think so.'

'Shit.' 

'Do you mind?'

Gojyo almost laughed. How were you supposed to answer a question like that? It was a very Hakkai sort of thing to say, as if dying was down to a badly planned day trip or some oversight on Hakkai's part: mild concern about its reflection on his role of group caretaker. It was the fucking priest's fault, not Hakkai's. 

He tightened his arms around Hakkai and breathed as deep as he could before it hurt too much. The breathing made him calmer but he could still hear the blood pulsing in his ears, thudding with his heart. 

'Gojyo. Gojyo,' Hakkai whispered after a while. It sounded like a mantra. 'I'm afraid.' 

The words fell brokenly into the pitch darkness.

'Wherever you're going, I'm going too,' said Gojyo, because at that moment it was true and the truth was all there was worth speaking. 'I can feel it.'

Hakkai was breathing in his ear, his arms wrapped tight around Gojyo's neck and the whole length of him was stretched out against Gojyo so they were touching all the way up. 

He kissed Hakkai's hair, the place where it met the damp skin at his temple. What a thing to discover on the way out, he thought, that Hakkai fitted into the curve of his arms like he'd always belonged there. He stroked the short hair at the nape of Hakkai's neck, over and over, his other hand wound round Hakkai's waist, where the blood was starting to soak through.

'I thought you wanted to die during sex,' Hakkai said, his limbs loosening and becoming heavy, 'with a beauty on your lap.'

His hands slipped a little, then scrabbled to get back to where they had been tucked against Gojyo's neck. 

'This is better,' said Gojyo, and kissed him on the side of his face, even though the angle made his neck hurt and his stomach flare with hot pain. Everywhere he could reach, he touched with his lips, feeling the curves of Hakkai's face. 'I want to see you.' He wished it more than anything. 'Hakkai. Hakkai?'

'I think I always loved you.' 

The words were soft and slurred against his ear; they were the sort of words that should be said in such a way, making your ear tickle. They were the sort of words you always longed to hear. Bad timing, thought Gojyo. Someone somewhere was laughing at the joke. 

'You think I don't know that?'

He was slowing, his thoughts thick and blurry and his arms full of warmth. 

Gojyo held on tighter, feeling stupid and brave and loved and terrified, and struggled against the dark.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt: perfect/imperfect.


End file.
